Someone's Standing on my Chest
by MyPlague
Summary: A short, angsty little fic from the mind of Rogue. It just felt good to write, ok?


That's right. It's a songfic. Actually more like a song-rant, by one of my favorite characters, Rogue. No matter how bitchy she can be, I love that tragic southern belle! This is part of a series of little short works I've been doing, and this one is just good enough to get posted. The song's by a group called Atreyu and it's called "Someone's Standing One My Chest" if you couldn't figure that out from the title. A little dark, a little crazy, and you've got a MyPlague fic. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Atreyu  
"Someone's Standing On My Chest"  
  
  
Starving, searching this barren wasteland  
  
Trying, to grasp being this alone  
  
Pleading for a breath of fresh air, someone's standing on my chest  
  
Dying, I'm asphyxiating myself  
  
  
"Ah can hardly remember what its like anymore, y'know? Jus' bein' close to someone...  
...An' I don't mean standin'-in-the-crowded-elevator close. Ah mean passionately close. Lovingly close. Ah wonder sometimes if Ah ever felt that at all, really. Ah mean, look at my past experiences when it comes to people whoa re supposed to love me. Maybe mah mind's just tryin' to fool itself into believing that Ah don't need to touch anymore...  
...But Ah just can't take it sometimes! Ah can't...not alone...not like this. Every day Ah just feel so alone that it hurts me, y'know? Deep in my chest. Like it's cavin' in on me. Like Ah have a black hole in mah lungs."  
  
  
Break myself, slave to my weakness, choke on my words  
  
Oh, I'm drowning and I feel so alone  
  
The lights are all on and I wish I was home  
  
  
"Ah've tried a few times, you know. Ending it all. Ah dunno what's stopped me all the times. It just...didn't seem right to die so helpless. So...untouched by the world...  
It's hard just getting through the day now. It gets worse all the time. Ah hurt mahself constantly. Mentally...most of the time. Ah've been on so many different kinds of pills that Ah can't keep track anymore. Ah just swallow them and brace myself. Ain't safe, Ah know. Ask me if Ah care anymore. Ah just wish Ah belonged somewhere. Not with a bunch of kids who think they can relate because we're grouped into the same gene pile. Ah mean, really belonged somewhere. Ah wish Ah was...Ah dunno...loved?"  
  
  
  
My lips are screaming pretty nothings  
  
My ears are bleeding for want of words  
  
Fuck words I need actions!  
  
  
"Sometimes Ah just don't know if anyone hears me when Ah speak anymore. They just tune me out Ah think. 'Oh, look, it's somber, depressed, Rogue. Lets all be vaguely understanding and smile weakly and nod when she's in a gripe.' Two words. Fuck. Ya'll. Ah don't need this shit an' Ah never asked for it. Let me spell it out for ya'll. No matter what that fuck Xavier says, Ah'm nevah gonna touch another living thing as long as Ah live without doin' them damage. Think about that. The rest of my goddamn life. Sorry if Ah'm a little sad or angry or violent about that. Sorry if Ah don't coincide with your shitty little picture-perfect image of understanding...  
...Ah honestly question the sanity of anyone who thinks mutants are displays of human potential. More like Human suffering."  
  
  
Hope, has left me fucking shattered  
  
Someone's standing on my chest  
  
Alone would be a pleasant change from here  
  
  
"...(sigh)...Ah'm sorry about that. Ah get angry for no reason sometimes. Ah wish Ah had some hope left. Ah'm all dried up. Hope kept me goin' for a while. Hope in myself? Xavier? Humanity? Ah don't really know anymore. Ah don't care. Ya wanna know why? Because hope didn't get me anywhere. Hope left me high and dry when Ah needed it. Ah've been fucked by hope. Ah think it enjoyed it too, 'cause it's the only thing that ever will.  
...Ah can't see a future for someone like me. Can you? Ah lay awake at night thinking of things like that. What am Ah gonna do when all of this shit's over? Ah can't do what the others do. Go home? Go to college? Get hitched? Sorry, try again. The future, for me, is a brick wall that Ah'm headed towards way too fast. Ah just wish Ah had someone that would always be with me. Someone who would love me, care for me, protect me. Or...at the very least...kiss me? God, what Ah wouldn't do to be kissed by a lover, just once. Ah cry about it sometimes, y'know. Usually before or after Ah get angry at the world and want to slit my wrists all over the wall. Is that too much to ask for? To be loved? Touched at the very least? Ah guess it is...  
...But you know what? Fuck the world. Ah'm sticking around as long as Ah can 'til Ah go out and a blaze of fire. That's right, universe, the bitch Rogue is stickin' around. If for no other reason than to just see what comes next, before that wall.  
Sorry. I Ah guess Ah kinda rambled more than Ah intended to. But thanks for listening as long as you did. It's the most anyone's done for me in a while.  
Ah'll see you later  
~Rogue"  
  
  
How do you gauge loneliness?  
  
Have you ever felt so alone?  
  
It feels like the light will never reach me here, I am choking back my longing for shed tears  
  
So strangulated by my lonesome fears, please don't worry too much, it only hurts when I breathe 


End file.
